He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize