As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
