YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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