the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
