Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize