I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
