Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
