she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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