they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
