I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
