i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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