I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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