I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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