capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
high people should be assigned attendants
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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