dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
