OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
tell me about the eggs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
