When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
