I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
