I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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