I love black thongs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
