I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
