I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize