I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
