Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am naked and annoyed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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