But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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