cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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