I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
