I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
