I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize