It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
