Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
