it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
