i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just threw up on my dentist
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Randomize
