I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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