Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
