Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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