Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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