don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
