Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
