The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
