Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drake has all the answers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
