is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize