Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
