At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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