I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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