I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
