My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
