my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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