the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
