I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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