I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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