I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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