I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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