Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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