My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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