Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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