bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
