i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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