What did we do last night that was yellow?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize