She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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