Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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