My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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