There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
