I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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