Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
