it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
