I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
