We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
