so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
