Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
