Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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