That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
