i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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