you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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