Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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