I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
